How To Get My Ex Back - I'm Still In Love
If you're asking yourself the question How do I get my ex back?, the very first thing you need to answer for yourself is whether those are your true, honest feelings or they are a symptom of some other emotions you are going through. Some questions you can ask yourself to get an answer to that big question are "How long has it been since the breakup?" "Have I dated other people since the break up?", "Are my feelings of wanting my ex back caused by some 'break-up blues' and loneliness, or are they true emotions that I have carefully considered?" "How long have I had these feelings?" "Do I know if my ex still has any feelings for me?"
These are very difficult questions to answer on your own. You may want to discuss them with a close friend and get their input. You simply can't be objective when your emotions are so closely tied to these emotionally charged questions. But trusted friends can be. Their input is invaluable. Don't "shop around" for the answer you want to hear. Listen to your friends advice. It is probably closer to the real truth of the situation than what you're thinking.
You also should try to find out if your ex has any feelings for you at all anymore. It's best not to ask him/her that question directly, but perhaps get a mutual friend to "feel them out" about it. If your ex doesn't share any feelings for you at all, feelings of romance, love, closeness, you probably don't have much of a chance of getting the relationship started again. If, however, your ex does say she does have some feelings for you, even if they're only "well he/she is just a friend", there is still some hope.
It's also important to reflect on the reasons for the breakup in the first place. Do those reasons still exist? If so what's going to be different this time? If the same problems that caused the relationship to break up originally are still there, they will have to be fixed before a second try at the relationship has any chance at all. Couples therapy can be very helpful in situations like this because you have a confidential, completely objective third party there to moderate and draw out issues from each of you that you might otherwise avoid. Don't fool yourself. Fixing a broken relationship that is going to last takes work by both parties.
There is also the issue of if your ex is an ex-spouse
or just an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend. If your ex was your spouse, things are much more complicated. Getting divorced is usually a fairly lengthy process and very emotional too. People who have gone through the process tend be reluctant to get seriously involved again with anyone for quite a while, let alone the person that they have just divorced.
On the other hand if your ex is an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, the issues are not as complex. There are no legal ties between girlfriends and boyfriends. Each one is free to pick up and walk out at any time. If you previously lived together it may be a little more complicated. But in general getting back together with ex boyfriends or girlfriends isn't anywhere near as difficult as getting back together with ex-husbands or ex-wives.
But all of this still takes you back to the main question that you need to answer - "Why do you want your ex back?" Are you still really in love? Again, trusted friends that know you both can have very valuable input. Talk over your feelings with them and listen to what they have to say. Don't tune them out if they don't give you the answers that you want to hear. Ask them for their thought on why the breakup occurred. Then ask them if they think those reasons still exist. If they do, ask your friends how you might go about fixing what was broken.
You also don't want this emotional roller coaster to drag out for a long time. The best thing you can do is find out quickly whether your ex shares any feelings at all for you that would indicate that he or she may be willing to talk about getting back together. The emotional ups and downs of dragging this process out would just be too painful.
If you ultimately find out that your ex doesn't share any romantic feelings for you at all, move on. It will be emotionally painful, but you need closure. Time does heal. You will go through the standard grieving process of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. This might take a month, it might take a year.
But remember, the world is full of people who have gotten divorced or gone through girlfriend/boyfriend breakups. There are support groups both on-line and probably even in your local area. Don't isolate. Make new friends and you might meet another special someone sooner than you think.
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